Monday, January 19, 2015

How to Wait

Hey you.  How you doin'? [Side note: Anyone else super pumped that FRIENDS is on Netflix? Anyone?]

Today I want to talk about waiting.  As in the right way to wait.  I'm not talking about waiting at the grocery store (obviously, reading magazine covers while pretending not to, duh) or for your food to come at the restaurant (what is "eating all of the bread and asking for more" Alex?) or even on your cold porch for your dog to pee in the early morning (mild cursing is appropriate here).  I mean for the big things.  Life things.

Ever waited for a toddler to open their present?
When the present is a pack of crayons?
And they "open" each. and. every. one.?
That's waiting, my friend.

Lest you wonder about my qualifications, I'd like to list them for for you here.  Throughout my lifetime, I have waited

  • For my boyfriend to propose (4 years, 7 mo.)
  • For my husband to get ready (all told, approximately 3.289 years of waiting in and of itself)
  • To know if I got into college/graduate school/the new program
  • Past my due date for a baby to arrive (5 days = 5 eternities)
  • To find out the gender of our babies (both times!)
  • To hear about this job/that job/his job/my job
  • For Honeycrsip season to come back
  • Through commencement speakers x4 (Seriously, where do they get those people?)
  • In traffic jams on I-85 around Charlotte approximately 17 bazillion times
I mean, I'm not trying to brag here, but as you can see there's been some serious waiting in my life.  Even now, I'm waiting for Friday when I'll finally get to meet this bambino who has been space-sharing with me for about 39 weeks now.  And more than that, Handsome and I are waiting for other things.  For friends.  For contentment and peace.  To hear back from any of his job applications that are floating around out there.  For summer and sunshine and no more snow FOR THE LOVE.  Waiting, always waiting.

So, in an effort to not let all of this waiting go to waste, I'd like to share with you the correct way to wait.  Because obviously I've perfected it by now. hashtag: sarcasm font

1.  When waiting, be sure to not obsess about the waited thing.  Find ways to occupy your mind with something else; anything else.  While waiting for news or movement or the other shoe to drop is an excellent time to take up a new hobby.  If you find that you cannot muster enough focused concentration for a whole new hobby, at least opt for a new show to binge watch on Netflix.  Psych: Season 8 is up, just FYI, and did you read that first part about FRIENDS?

2.  Concentrate on the sure things, the good things, the knowns, rather than the unknowns.  No, you don't know if there will be a huge change coming next month, but you do know that you have peanut butter and marshmallows and bread, AND the time to make a grilled fluffer-nutter sandwich.  This should occupy you for at least a good 7 minutes (you've got to let it cool a little bit, people, lest you burn yourself!), and perhaps you can forget all of your uncertainty feelings.  Do this type of thing repeatedly throughout the day, essentially shutting off the majority of your brain.  Seek help if you choose to literally do this multiple times throughout the day, as too many fluffer-nutters can be bad for your health.

3.  Find at least one friend who doesn't mind being yo-yo'd around with your feelings, and call them at every opportunity or sway in emotions.  This friend must be able to withstand serious psychological whiplash, such as the sort brought on by "I'm sure its going to happen, and I'm so excited," "We really just don't know anymore..." and "I doubt it, and I guess it will be okay, so it doesn't really matter," all occupying the same conversation about a singular subject.  When said friend begins to suspect you of having a mental disorder, move on to the next friend, giving the first a break so that they can pretend to themselves that you're normal again.

4.  When #1 fails (and it will) obsess with gusto and also prayer.  God is the ultimate yo-yo friend, as He can survive your emotional roller coaster, and talking with Him also allows you to practice your bargaining and wheedling skills.  Be sure to offer impossible trade-offs, make promises that He cares nothing about (e.g., "If you ________ then I promise to never eat jelly beans again!" etc.) and end each conversation with a half-hearted "But Your will be done."

I hope this instructional has helped you, and that it comes in handy if you have to wait for anything of significance.  I'm here for you.  Waiting.
<3 M.
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