Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I've Been Lied To

And most likely, you have been lied to, too.

Shocking, really.

And the worst part is, I, no, better yet we were lied to by America's sweethearts.

Yep.  Its startling, but true.

These gals, right here, have lied to me for the majority of my life.

Topanga                           Kelly                               Anita
Topanga lied the crap out of me (take that for whatever makes the most sense) about middle school.  Eighth grade was nothing like Mr. Pheenie's class.  No 12-yr-old boyfriend (or 18 yr-old-boyfriend for that matter) is anything like Corey.  NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE has that kind of hair.   Seriously.


Fo' Reals, I ask, where was her awkward stage?  Maybe I had have hers and mine.  I mean, she rocked the high-waist jeans.  She not only survived, she strutted in those mid-nineties sweaters. And truly, that girl can wear lip gloss like its her job.  When I was home on a Friday night in 7th grade watching T.G.I.F (you know you did it too), all I wanted to be was her.  Lets be honest; I'd steal that hair off a baby.

And then, I grew up, and I wondered what my highschool/college years would be like.  Would there be lots of poignant hanging out in the hall around my not-cramped-and-crowded locker?  
Would I have a "place" to hangout, each french fries, and perform my own personal music video?  I did, at one point in my high school career, try to lead a dance troupe.  Not quite a fail but...


I had that mock-turtle-tank.  That exact one.  Let me tell you, it did not do for me what it did for Kels there.  And yes, there were highschool dances and yes there was (eventually) highschool and then college love, but it did NOT look like Kelly & Zach.  Less rose petals, songs, and romantic poems; more four-wheeler riding and eating at Joe's.  And please, don't even get me started on what the college years lied about.  That dorm room?  Nata chance.

Now, this is where I may loose some of you.  Because up until here, most of you have had the same sort of experiences.  Most of us went to public junior & high school.  Quite a few of you went to college.  But now, the final liar, the liar that sits on a throne of lies for me, the liar who smells like beef & cheese and not like Santa, is Anita.


Do you see that stuff on the board behind her?  Any guess as to what it is?  Its math.  Anita is from the show Numb3rs, on which she plays a PhD student at a University.  Eventually, she finishes her dissertation (I believe), falls in love with her advisor, and contributes extensively to the mathematics community at large.  Oh, and did I mention that Anita has actual adventure in her life?  She does.  She assists her advisor-turned-BF in solving crimes for the FBI.

And do you know how that plot right there set me up for grad school in math?  It set me up with LIES. Any adventures I have are created by my own bored mind or slightly rash decisions.  Of course, I don't want or need to fall in love with any of my professors, but even if I were in that situation... the idea is highly frowned upon, not to mention hard to imagine.  And as far as contributing to the academic community  at large, my major contributions include developing a method for a seed company to de-husk small seeds, and helping a carpenter build a perfectly elliptical coffee table.

So, all of that to say, I've finally realized the extent to which I've been taken (not to be confused with the movie Taken which renders me unable to breathe) for a ride.  I don't mind my situation; I love it, for the most part, and wouldn't change anything.  But, for the sake of honesty, it is only right that we recognize lies in order to tell them apart from truth.

And those girls are liars.

Any television stars lie to you, recently?

Recovering from the discovery,
TFW  

5 comments:

  1. Laura Mullican4/06/2011

    I absolutely love this post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Laura Mullican
    You've been lied to as well, huh? :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4/06/2011

    two farces lie within this post:
    1) you looked lovely in that pink mock-neck (circa 1999)
    2) friday nights in 7th grade were filled with trips to sheetz, buying candy necklaces to use as projectiles from an undisclosed location on taylor street.

    <3 always,
    elementary monkeybars

    ReplyDelete
  4. Topanga, you may recall, had a GODAWFUL perm and was a total crunchy fruitcake in season one. Everyone found her to be very strange, and she had pretty much no friends. Just sayin'.
    I also, have been (and continue to be) lied to. As a preteen, all I wanted in this world was to be Stephanie Tanner. She was so witty (read: bratty), and her family, unlike mine, truly appreciated her unique personality and how adorable and funny she was (read: let her get away with being a complete smart aleck when she really needed a spanking and/or sent to her room for a week). "Say Anything" set me up with COMPLETELY unrealistic hopes and dreams of what "real" love would be like. Let's face it: Lloyd Dobbler, sadly, does not exist. Anywhere. *moment of mourning silence* No teenager could ever actually survive as a nomadic rock groupie as in Francesca Lia Block's books or "Almost Famous" (yes, my life's ambition when I was 17 was to be a punk rock princess/groupie; stop looking at me like that). And every Monday, Lily and Marshall lie to me because no one, NO ONE, has that much fun, pretty much never fights, and genuinely wants to be around each other ALL THE TIME. Plus, everyone on that show would have cirrhosis by now.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Topanga and Corey DID tell me one truth though, to be fair: Getting married while you're still in college can be very hard. They always had way more arguments than money. And I also lived in a quasi ghetto when I first got married because we couldn't afford to go anywhere else. Admittedly, though, they did exaggerate (read: LIE) about that because it was never as scary as the movies make it sound. I think we only ever heard gunshots once.

    ReplyDelete

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