Thursday, May 19, 2011

The night in review

Dang.  I think I did it again.  

I used a great title for a less-than-amazing post.

I wish I could stop myself.  I wish I could think of these awesome titles when it comes time to write an awesome blog post.  I wish I had a snowcone machine and many many leather bound books.  I wish all cockroaches everywhere would drop dead.

However, all of that is neither here nor there.  What has hit my mind and is thus flowing out my fingers is this:  I think it would be fun to review cookbooks.  I think that would be something I could be good at.  Here's my argument:
I am a regular person, and cookbooks need to be able to be used by regular people.  Ergo, I would be a good person to test out a cookbook.  I have fancy writing skills and can include words like "ergo" at appropriate moments to make a review sound sophisticated and intelligent.  I am nothing if not literate, and can therefore follow directions well.  I have years of mathematics skills just begging for an outlet, and cookbooks often contain fractions and possibly pesky scaling problems.  I can pass those tests with flying colors.  I like to cook and I like to read.  I'm pretty much smelling a match-made-in-heaven right here.  Aren't you smelling that, book publicists?  Don't you want to send me some books to review?


hum.  Well, no one is  knocking down my door begging me to check out their hot-off-the-presses cookbooks and give them a scalding/uplifting review (as the case may be).  I guess if no one's gonna row this boat, I'd better start swimming (does that make sense?  Because if it does, I'm going to start using it in everyday conversation.  You heard it here first.).

And by "start swimming," I mean this: (1) I have cookbooks on my shelves  (2) I can read  (3) I can cook things.  Using my extremely high level mathematical training, 1+2+3 = I can review the cookbooks I have, and see if it is in fact something I would like to do.  I have nearly everything I need, including a recently acquired kitchen scale.  I'm still waiting on a flour sifter and a cast iron skillet, but otherwise I think I'm good to go (hereafter written as G2G).

The only question now is, which cookbook to review?  Perhaps you, dear dear long-suffering reader, would like to have a say in the matter.  Perhaps you would not.  In case you do, I'm going to list the cookbooks I have here, and if you'd like to weigh in, please do so, either by commenting, using the "Talk to Me" picture at the top right of this blog, or calling me, if you know my number.  If you stalk me and find my number and call me just to tell me this, I might get a restraining order against you.  Or we might become lifelong friends.  If you decide to go that route, choose your first 15 words very carefully.

And the eligible bachelors are... *drumroll please*

  • Ben & Jerry's Homemade Icecream & Dessert Book.  This one would really, really pain me to have to review.  All of the chocolate and heavy whipping cream... I would bear that for you, though, if its what you really wanted.
  • The Craft of Baking.  Again, painful to do, but a sacrifice I will make.  Take one for the team, so it may be.  Truth is, I'm halfway through this one's review in my head already.  If no one responds, this will most likely be the first round pick.
  • Southern Living Christmas Cookbook.  I've made a few desserts out of here, but there's a whole lot I've not yet touched.  Give me a reason, reader.  Just give me a reason.
  • The Complete Guide to Country Cooking: Bridal Edition.  This is a cookbook, get-to-know-your-kitchen book, and a how-to-entertain book, all rolled into one.  I think its obvious that I got it as a wedding present, and have looked through all the beautiful pictures a number of times.
  • Cooking Light: 5 Ingredient, 15 Minute Cookbook.  A newly acquired book, earlier this year.  Again.  Just say the word, and its done.
  • Land O Lakes Recipe Collection.  Yes, I own a cookbook based entirely around butter.  Doesn't everyone?  Have you solved the mystery of how I gave Handsome high cholesterol in less than a year? Glad we could clear that up.  Have a great day.
  • The Bread Bible.  I'm sorry if you're offended by the name of this book.  I'm also sorry if you haven't read this book because, while it is short on pictures, it is extremely informative and has a ton of great recipes in it.  There are some ingredients required that are... difficult to obtain in most grocery stores.  However, I think I may have found a supplier.  Lets just say the turbadino sugar, malt powder, pumperkinckel flour, and other "special" ingredients fell off a truck last week and leave it at that.  Capite?  (pronounced: Ca-pee-sh.  Its the Italian spelling.  Kind of in keeping with the whole mobster theme I was going for there.  Get my drift?)

Also, under the heading "Cookbooks I own that are not up for review,"
  • Hawthorn Elementary's Best of the Best Cookbook
  • Grandma Doc's Cookbook: The Dougherty Family
  • The Joy of Cooking

The first two are great, home-town cookbooks.  Which I love, but even then, you have no access to and it would just be mean to taunt you with all of the beautiful treasures between their covers.  p.s.- I think you should always pick these up at yard sales & thrift stores, if presented with the chance.  Heck, mail them to me if you don't want them.  I'll reimburse you the 35 cents, no worries.

The third book not-to-be-reviewed, well, its obvious; Norma Rombauer rocked the world of cookbooks, and is the reigning queen of American cook-bookery.  Done.  Its decided.  It would take WAY too long to sample enough recipes out of there to give you an overall idea of the book's contents, and theres nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.  Joy is a wonderful book.  There.  I've reviewed it. 

So if you'd like, weigh in on this matter, and I will try to get one of these feller's reviewed by the beginning of June.  Let the adventure begin!

Entertaining ideas I may or may not have time to pursue,


  1. I vote for Cooking Light: 5 Ingredient, 15 Minute Cookbook. You could let the world--and me, in particular--if it's worth picking up so I can have fast easy meals to make when there's a new baby in the house. :)

    Also, "scalding" review. For a cookbook. Clever.

  2. I'm with Tanya. Cooking Light could revolutionize dinner time at our house this summer. We are committed to 'Light' and quick is a necessity when you don't get started til you get home from work/gym/grocery store.

    That'll be $0.02, please.


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