Tuesday, June 28, 2011

My Ornery Husband

Its true.  I used to call him incorrigible, but that was when I was young and needed big words in order to feel smart.  Now, I just call him Ornery.  And trust me, it fits.

For example, I just called out, "Hey honey, whatcha doin'?" "Reading." "Reading what?"... silence... nothing... waiting... See, I don't want to nag, but to carry on a conversation would be nice.  So I try again "What are you reading?" "Whatever I want." And that's the end of the discussion.  Because he's a turd.

Anyhow, with my wonderfully ornery husband, we made a quick trip up to PA this weekend.  And we had a nice time.  Really, it was a wonderful visit home.  Perhaps many of you who have moved away young can relate, but whenever we go home, we’re like mini celebrities.  It’s a lot of fun, and a lot of pressure, all at the same time.  I definitely cracked underneath all of the demands this time.  Self-imposed demands, mind you, but demands all the same. 
ASIDE: I will not allow my someday-children to be famous, just FTR.  I’m assuming that they are going to be below average in both talent and physical attributes, so this shouldn’t ever be an issue.  However, should something crazy happen and Handsome and I end up with a would-be-famous person living in our home, they will not be permitted to fulfill their dreams until they reach 18.  Once they’re an adult, there’s no telling what they will do, but as a child, they will not become famous.  Its too damaging, and I’m not a fan of indoor pools; everyone who’s famous has to have one, and I’m just not a fan.

All grandparents were hugged on this trip, which immediately puts it in the running for a successful rating.  In addition, all nieces and nephews were kissed, which pushes it towards a rating of above average.  Fathers were visited with and mothers’ hands were held, and finally, as a bonus, Handsome actually danced with me once at the wedding reception.  Its official; we had a wonderful trip.  


We started our trip North about 2 1/2 hours after what I had planned, which is not a surprise to anyone who knows us.  In fact, that delay won my sister-in-law a bet.  She said at least 9:30, and she was correct-o-mundo.  For the record, we use Price Is Right rules in our house on any bet; closest without going over.  

Our trip began with a wonderful experiment.
Handsome decided that he would try the Blueberry Waffle Egg & Bacon breakfast sandwich.
This is a stretch for him, as in his world, fruit and meat do not belong together.
So much uncertainty rests in his hands...
Oh, and there was cheese, too.  Cheese & fruit do not mix, as well, in H.'s book of life rules.
He didn't spit it out, so it was considered a success.
You might wonder where we're sitting.  At a quick-change oil place.
Why?
Because that is what you decide to do when your wife wanted to leave 2 hours prior, apparently.
Once we were on the road, we passed this guy a few times.
I wanted to reach out of the car and steal some watermelons.
Even more, I would like to direct him to drive to my house and just drop them all off.
This sign was of particular interest.
I always wondered how Arby's was going to keep up with McDonalds.
Apparently, they're going the Live Bait route.
Duke-a-loop was in stupid form, as always.
After repeated attempts to climb over the back seat, he succeeded in getting himself lodged.
I sent the fireman to extricate him, and toss his little behind back in the back-back.
Turd.
This view means "Home" to me.
Its the first point where I feel like we're really home.
Irregardless of the fact that I've never lived in the city, and until last summer, had never spent a night there.
Immaterial.
The wedding we attended had more groomsmen than a person could ever need.
I think it looks like someone just did a little CTRL C and CTRL V to copy & paste them here.
Of course, we had a matching number of beautiful bridesmaids.
Side Note: If I were a wedding photographer, I'd always feel awkward and like I was in the way.
And finally, a beautiful bride and handsome groom, so very much in love.
It was fabulous.
They're married now.
The bride was so pretty that I cried.
As in, her pretty-ness just carried me away and she was so pretty the only thing I could do is cry.
Crazy beautiful.
Still tired from my vacation,
TFW

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