Friday, July 1, 2011

Consider Yourself Warned

Everyone is unique (just like everyone else), and with most people, I can get along.  Sometimes, its touch and go, as with my little driver buddy.  Other times, there is something about a person’s person or habits that immediately determines whether we can or cannot be friends.  For example, I’m in the grocery store and I hear someone holler down to someone else, “Why can’t we just have pancakes every night this week?  Garth Brooks would do it.  And bacon, too!” and I like them on principle.  And, sadly enough, sometimes a relationship is budding and going smoothly, until I discover a *dun duhn duh…* DEAL BREAKER.

Loosely defined, a deal breaker is any action, habit, or characteristic that renders a person unable to be on my ‘friend’ list (I’m talking real-life, here, people.  Get off of facebook and shake hands with someone).  Deal breakers are much more difficult to handle when they are discovered after you’ve invested time into getting to know a person.  I don’t want that to happen to you, with me, and so I’ve compiled a list of possible deal breakers so you can know, right off the bat, if we can be friends.

And now, in no special order, the DEAL BREAKERS!

  • I turn the volume of the television up or down, depending on the amount of sound coming out.  This can be especially irritating during a quiet-talking action movie.
  • I don’t like fish.  No, not sushi either.
  • I’m often late, but Handsome adds to it.  I don’t think you’re unimportant, and I know its rude.  But its also just true.  I’m working on it, but have been for about 5 years now.  Set your expectations where you will.
  • I’m not fond of going out late at night.
  • “Late at night” for me is defined as “any time after 8PM.”  Sometimes it changes to “anytime after 6PM,” if I’ve had a long week. 
  • If you offer to share food with me, you should be prepared to not eat anymore.  I will go handful-for-handful with you until it is gone.  I might even double up sometimes.  Conversely, if I offer to share, I expect you to do the same.
  • I double dip my chips.  Salsa, Queso, Sour Cream & Onion dip, doesn’t matter.
  • I drive with the windows down, even when its hot.  When it is especially hot, I drive with the windows down AND the air conditioning on.  Drives H. crazy. 
  • I don’t like to skip Sunday morning church.  It might be an ingrained guilt; it might be that I need those hours to focus on my great God; it all depends on the morning.  So no, if you are leaving for the lake at 9AM, I’m not going to be able to make it.
  • I can’t drink coffee straight (or with cream or with sugar), nor do I imbibe beer.  Bleh to both.  I am high maintenance in both hot and cold drinks.
  •  I sometimes point out my current boo-boos, and expect expressions of condolence and affirmations to my toughness. 
  • I will forget things.  Often, and with surprising disregard for their relative importance to a person, myself included.  I blame my mother, how also passes the blame on to her mother, who most likely forgets who to pass what to, especially at dinner when engaged in conversation.
  • I know how to use and clean a firearm.  I enjoy the using, as well.  Not the cleaning, so much. 
  • Speaking of firearms, I once killed a raccoon.
  • I can't stand reality TV.
  • I chew gum like candy.
  • I heartily prefer dogs to cats.
  • I will not support an unhealthy habit of self-deprecation.  If you keep saying "I'm fat" because you want me to say "No, you're skinny!" you're going to be waiting for a long time.  And eventually, I'll just start agreeing with you.  
  • A dislike for all things both sweet and fried will put a serious strain on our relationship.

This list is by no means all-inclusive or in any way exclusive.  You may find out more about me, and declare a certain trait to be a deal breaker.  I may find out (or remember, as the case may be) more about myself and note its potential for breaking deals.   I just thought I’d share these, in case you were feeling hesitant about investing time into knowing me.  Hopefully, this will aid you in your decision making process.

And while we're on the topic, what are your deal breakers?  Anything you can't abide?  Please, don't name names, especially mine.  That be a deal breaker.

Take me as I am,


  1. Anonymous7/01/2011

    I can live with most when you realize H isn't really all that H. LOL

  2. I didn't know you here but I love this list. No deal breakers for me here. If anything it makes me like you more :)


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