Sorry Beatles fans (something I am not. sorry if that changes things), that's not where we're going. Feeling a little contemplative tonight, and dealt with it by writing. It seems
risky silly to share this, as I know some will think I'm depressed tonight (not really), some will think I'm desperate (only for chocolate), and some people just don't like feelings. All the same, it's nice for me to have it here to refer back to. And maybe someone else sometimes feels lonely. This letter isn't just for me.
Dear Lonely Heart,
I know, that when the house is quiet and the phone doesn't ring, it's easy to let the feeling set. When suggested plans are smiled at but never followed up on, and when "something [comes] up," it almost sounds true; that pesky lie. The lie that says you're alone, that no one has time for you. And if that lie finds a place to sit and stay a while, he invites the fear in; the fear that maybe you're not worth it anyhow.
Lonely Heart, know that in the silence, God is there. The phone may not ring, but He calls you nevertheless. "Be still and know." Its funny how hard it is to hear the call when the walls are echoing with silence. "Trust in the Lord, and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." There is a season for all things. A season for busy-ness and popularity, and a season for quiet and solitude. Neither one is permanent, both have a purpose. This quiet will not last. You laugh at that, but the days will come when you look back on this time with longing.
You do not have the eyes to see what the future holds. You do not have the wisdom to know. You have only this moment in which to seek God's face. To ask what He sees with his eyes and what He in his infinite wisdom knows. It is not your job to know, or to see, only to seek. Lonely Heart, there is a part of you that is crying out, "Seek His face!" You were created for doing so. You were made to seek, and then to find.
This is not a time of punishment, of contrition or repayment for misdeeds. Dear Heart, this time is a blessing. So it doesn't feel that way; not the issue. So you don't know what to do; just do the next right thing. Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. Don't seek to be known among men, but rather to know your God. Your value is determined, not by your social obligations and opportunities, but from the very beginning of time, when God chose to love you. He loves you still.
Be still and know.***
Part of me feels a need to reassure that "I'm not really lonely. This is hypothetical." But sometimes, I am. I don't know if everyone feels that way sometimes, but I know at least a few who do. I find the mood most often strikes me when I've considered myself far to often, and others far too seldom. So writing a letter to myself in front of the whole world may not have been the best therapy. But truth always is.