I haven't been breathing much lately.
This is what I discovered the other night when I finally let my breath out. It was as though I'd been holding it in for some time, and didn't even know that I was depriving myself of some really good oxygen.
See, there have been a few more stressors than normal in my life, and I don't handle stress. You might think, "Hey, Mariah, you forgot the 'well', you know? As in, you don't handle stress well." Nope. Not a mis-type, although you all know I'm prone to such things. No, I don't handle stress at all. I just refuse to acknowledge it. Ignore it's very existence. Do everything in my power to pretend it away. La-dee-la-dah-dee, no stress here.
And, uhm, yeah. That doesn't really work. It often ends with, as I said, me holding my breath (literally and figuratively), clenching my teeth more (weird habit of mine when concentrating under stress), and, in extreme cases, crying profusely.
Even though I don't like to give it any cred, if there are stressors happening, then there is stress happening. So that test I didn't prepare for, the two extra bills that I didn't anticipate, and a backed up washing machine, well, they do add stress to my life whether I acknowledge it or not.
The good news: I'm breathing again.
|"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul."|
The reason? Psalm 94:19, that verse up there, among other things. Also, this song:
Strong Enough To Save.
And He'll break open the skies to save
Those who cry out His name
The one the wind and waves obey
Is strong enough to save you
Word, people. Word. I heard those lyrics on Friday, and a dam broke. I had been trying to do everything myself. Not because ... really, not because of anything other than because I didn't think to look anywhere for help. Things needed done, I had been asked/told/elected to do them, and so I started doing them. And more and more things got piled on top, and, for the heck of it, I picked up a few more along the way. Before I knew it, I was playing Gus-Gus.
When I finally asked for help, and then took a few deep breaths, right away things were better in me. The stressors and all that business were still there, but they had no more strength. Yes, those things all still need to be dealt with, but I'm going to breathe while I do them.
While I write this, 4 days since I started breathing again, I have to remind myself of all of those truths. I have to blast that song and say the words to make it real again. Because I started picking stuff back up, and clenching my teeth to do it on my own. This is a regular, every-other-day thing for me.
Doesn't make it any less true.
May I encourage you, people of the world, to breathe. To wave the flag of surrender, and admit that you can't do all of these things on your own. Doesn't mean you're giving up, doesn't even mean that you've failed somehow. Allow the God who created you and knows all of your capabilities and shortcomings to care for you. Let Him break open the sky to save you. Five bucks says he comes through like a hot knife through butta'.
Working my diaphragm,