I often feel as though I am, at the same time, "too much" and "not enough". I am too friendly, and also not reaching out to others enough. I am too busy and still not doing enough. I am not popular enough and also get too many invitations that I can't do them all. Too "tough" and not strong enough. Too loud and obnoxious, but not assertive enough.
Its enough to make a girl scream, "STOP!" Go ahead, scream if you have to. I know you've got the same sort of crazy inside your head.
Those words up there, they may all be true about me. I may, in fact, be too much and not enough. I'm no where near a perfect person (Handsome says "AMEN!"). Depending on the measuring stick you use, I'm sure to come up too short or too long. You do too.
Up until recently (read: 4 minutes ago) I allowed this to make me feel inadequate.
Then I just decided to stop feeling that way. Sort of along these lines, but not quite that far. Those words up there, while they may ore may not seem true, they just don't matter. I am not measured, in any arena that matters, against anyone else. I'm not even measured against me. God looks at me, and sees his perfect Son. He loves me simply because he chose to. Nothing I've done, nothing I haven't done. Just a choice He made.
There is no more or less that I can do to change His love for me. No matter if I serve more or complain less, pray more or swear less. None of that changes the fact that the God of the Universe loves me more than anything. I could even fight more and love others less, and He would still love me. I'd still have value. I'd still be His top-shelf gal. That's what matters, because that is where my value comes from - my identity in Christ. Just like princesses from long ago, I'm important enough to be kidnapped - because I'm The King's daughter.
So maybe I do talk about myself too much and I don't show up on time enough. Yes, those are character flaws that could use some work. But even if I perfect those, (a) there will still be more to work on and (b) my value doesn't change. I write this to remember that fact. I often forget it, and allow myself to get swept away with feeling like too much and/or not enough. So now, when I forget, I'll just re-read this post. And this and this.
Kicking my blue mood in the mouth,