Monday, June 18, 2012

#honorhim

Lets start out by saying that I'm not the best housekeeper in the world.  Okay?  Are you all okay with that?  Because it's just fact.  I'm well aware that it is something that could be changed or worked on, as it's mostly habit, but it's just not ever something I worked on much.  Also for the record, I'd like to state that Handsome knew this going in.  I'm sure, when we were dating, I usually had my room clean when he came over (don't worry, we only hung out in there with the door open, and usually the company of my lil' bro.), but at the same time, it was obviously only a surface clean.  



We're talking there may have been cobwebs.  Judge me if it makes you feel better.

Anyhow, Handsome did not grow up in a house with the same laisse faire attitude towards housekeeping.  Handsome himself didn't do much of the work, but his mother worked tirelessly to make sure their home was clean and spotless.  And we're talking deep clean, take a toothbrush to the grout lines, clean.  But since his attitude about it all was pretty lackadaisical (aren't you just loving my words today?!), I thought we made a nice pair.

Then H got old.  Or hit his head.  Or was abducted by aliens.  Either way, about 6 months or more ago, he came home and started telling me all the ways that the current state of the house was not up to par.  He may have even started with "You know what your worst failing is as a wife?"


By the grace of God, I didn't kill him.  I didn't fight back.  I asked him questions and tried to get the whole story.  And the whole story was that he was feeling stressed, and the state of the house did little to alleviate that stress.  Although it wasn't the easiest thing to hear, the truth is that I don't want him to be stressed.  If better housekeeping can lower his stress level, then better housekeeping needs to be done.  Since he's working 2 jobs and going to school, and I'm just going to school, the home is pretty much my domain, and my responsibility.

So I tried to do better, to keep the place cleaned up.  And then 2 weeks ago, he told me gain (for shame, I know).  Handsome has very strong feelings about the kitchen sink, specifically what does belong (nothing) and what doesn't belong (everything, especially dirty dishes) in it.  More to the point, he said "You asked what's important to me, this is what is important."

I really wish he hadn't said that.  Because up until this point, I could convince myself that he just sorta wanted me to try.  That he was being unreasonable.  That he could clean it himself.  And then he went and said that.  

Ladies, if your husband has clearly identified what is important to him, and then you fail to at least try & make that happen?  What does that say to him?  That what is important to him is NOT important to you (me).  So now, before he comes home, I do my darndest to make sure the counter is clean the sink is (mostly) empty.  We're compromised with dishes that need to soak being allowed to stay in there for a bit.  It has nothing to do with housekeeping or cleanliness or the desire to have clean dishes when you're ready to eat.  Nope.  It's a heart issue: Do I care enough to honor him in this.  

So in the future, you may see some pictures on twitter/instagram with the hashtag #honorhim.  And they may mostly look like that one up above.  Because I'm going to work to make my husband honored in his own home.  I can't believe I'm the only one in this.  Anyone want to join me with whatever certain thing really matters to their man?

Doing more dishes than ever before,
TFW

12 comments:

  1. Wow. I can relate almost exactly to this post and hubby's comments. For me, it took a change in my mindset (and continual reminders!) that I'm not just cleaning up the kitchen so it can get dirty again, but rather clearing space and cleaning up so hubby can relax and be a better person himself. thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this!

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    1. It's all about the attitude, it seems! Glad we can encourage each other, keep up them dishes :)

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  2. It took me many years of marriage to just go ahead and do the thing that really mattered to my husband. Sometimes it's so simple, but so very hard. Great post and reminder to all of us.
    ~FringeGirl

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    1. You wouldn't think that "this is important to me" would be so easy to ignore. Thanks for your encouragement, and keep up the good work of loving a good man!!

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  3. Thanks for sharing! It sounds like you two have great communication, which is awesome to see in a marriage. That he was able to express how he felt, and you were able to keep from fighting when you must've felt like saying something back, is such a good example to others. Keep living for Him together. :)

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    1. Like I said, but by the grace of God :)

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  4. girl, you are such a sweet wife :) i just love your honesty and heart. youre a gem!

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    1. Thanks Erin! I really appreciate that you stop by!

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  5. Amen to Erin's comment! I will totally join you! My husbands is being on time. By the grace of God I will learn to do this.
    Alesha <3

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    1. Good luck to you, Alesha! I like to lie to myself and say that things start 30 minutes before they do, if I know I need to be on time. Let me know how it goes!

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  6. I have to say, I probably would have fought back if Mike told me what I was failing at as a wife. I'm a little feisty, though. I think it's good that you're doing things to strengthen your relationship!

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  7. I too struggle MUCH in the area of housekeeping. I've been trying (and failing) for a while now :(

    I have to admit though, if hubs actually came out and said "hunny, this is important to me. I feel stressed when the house is a mess", WOW. That is a huge statement.

    Kudos to him for being honest and communicating what he needs from you. It's not always easy. And kudos to you for trying to meet that need.

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