Hello all! It's that time again! Time for Mariah's quarterly life crisis moment! Today, we'll be focusing in on her eating habits, real and imagined, while she struggles with some of life's questions, such as "Who am I?" and "What am I doing with my life?" and "Where do we go from here?"
As in, a life crisis I have quarterly.
Like, 4 times per year, not 4 times per life.
Totally normal, I assure you
Okay, that's entirely too cheesy for me. Which is something I never say about food, btw. But yeah, after a brief chat yesterday with my advisor, coupled with the impending baby arrival, I'm feeling a bit lost. And sugar deprived. The good news is: I don't have diabeetus! My sugar test was perfect, baby is doing well, everything looks to be boring & normal, which is about how these things ought to go. So that is wonderful. Now I've just got to wait out the next 9 days until restriction (no fried, no baked goods, no candy) ends!
But being ready for this baby? How in the world can one be "ready" for their first baby? The very idea of it escapes me. Handsome & I, we don't even know how much we don't know. Specifically, we have no idea how much our lives will change. The hubs, he likes to go on about how he'll do this or he'll do that, how things will be one way or another, and even though I'm pretty sure he's living in fantasy world, I let him go. Because (1) He never believes me when I tell him things and (2) I don't really know what it's going to be like, either.
And then there's the after-baby. A.B. What will life be like A.B.? Am I going to be able to finish this PhD? Do I want to? What sort of job will I get when I do finish? Will it be outside the home? Do I still want to be a stay-at-home mom? GAH. All of these questions, this uncertainty, makes me want to bake these brownies and call it a night:
And yes, I do mean "call it a night" even though it's 7:36 in the AM as I type this. Last night, when D & I got home around 5:10, I kept looking at the clock, trying to strategize a way to get to bed as soon as possible. If he hadn't been home, I probably would have been asleep by 7:30. I'm not feeling totally exhausted, I just want to rest all the time, if that makes any difference ;)
So, since I'm not eating baked goods, and I'm certainly not going to bake those lovely little morsels up there and not eat any (couldn't happen, ever), I'm going to focus instead on what I know. God's got a plan for me. I've got some tasks in front of me that need to be done. So I'll do the next thing, which is basically my motto, and keep asking God "What the heck am I supposed to be doing?" You know, in the most reverent way possible.
Tomorrow, no doom & gloom, I promise. Unfortunately, no brownies either. But I'm thinking perhaps some cute baby things! That should give me a renewed sense of purpose & vigor!
p.s. - Hey you SAHMs out there: how did you decide to stay home? I'd love to know!