Saturday, January 5, 2013

When You're Having a Giant Baby

Normal things are difficult.

Things like sitting.  And standing.  And lying down.  If someone could just suspend me in air for the remainder of this pregnancy, that'd be great.  M'kay thanks.

I hit full-term (36 weeks) tomorrow, and I've been told a few things.  Those things have been... interesting to hear.

There's the general things like "The baby should start to settle down now" and "The baby should drop and you'll be able to breath again".  Lies.  All of them.  This kid is on speed, and has 6 arms.  I am convinced of it.  It's like a cartoon in there, what with all  of the WHAM! and POW!'s going on.  Don't worry, little one, those are just my lungs, I didn't need them anyhow.

Then there's the other things people say.  People who are not currently pregnant.  Mostly people who haven't been pregnant for while, if ever.  "Don't you just love the kicking?  Isn't it magical?"  "Are you just so excited to have the baby?" and my personal favorite "4 weeks left?  Are you sure there's only one in there?".

Listen folks, here's what I know:

  • The kicks are mostly uncomfortable at this point, and sometimes downright painful.  When I go "Oh!  Ow!" please don't tell me that it's magical.  NOT MAGICAL.  I think the kid was gnawing on my ribs yesterday, no lie.  And right now?  It's trying to push it's way out through my right side.  With it's bum. And a large dose of tenacity.
  • Excited?  To have the baby?  To have the baby.  Why no, no I'm not.  I'm terrified in equal parts of the having of the baby, as well as the having the baby with us forevermore.  They're going to send this kid home with me?  Excited to not be pregnant anymore?  100%.  Excited to get un-pregnant?  Nope.
  • One.  There is one baby.  Only one.  Uno.  Un.  Singular.  No mas.  If, by some act of God (or, more likely, hospital mix-up), they hand me a second child, I might start crying and never stop.  It's completely possible, and I feel, justified.
I have had a good run.  It's been a fairly easy pregnancy.  Which is a huge blessing that I do not take for granted.  It's been an extremely interesting experience, as well.  Perhaps someday I'll look back on this and call parts of it magical.  Perhaps.  But right now, with my grandma's voice playing through my head telling me how her father was born at 16 lbs, and the practically non-stop wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am going on inside of me, I'm feeling a bit worn out.  And like I'm keeping a giant caged in my abdomen.  

Makes me ask, "Really, grandma?  You had to tell me 16 lbs?  Everyone else lies, but you stick to the facts?  The cold, disturbing facts?"  If you've got prego friends, please don't mention anything about someone you know birthing a toddler.  Don't even tell them about my great-grandpa.  It'll keep them awake at night, and they don't need that.

This child was making me really uncomfortable yesterday, and it wasn't until it stopped that I realized what had been going on.  The kid was pushing on either side of my abdomen.  BRACING itself.  Like a cat that you're trying to put into a bathtub.  Bracing itself.  On ME.  What an adventure I'm in for, huh?

<3 M.  


  1. Remember though, when that 16 lb great grandfather of yours was born there weren't things like induction and sonograms. They won't let you get that big, I'd imagine.

    1. That's the thought I've been comforting myself with, too. I'm pretty sure he was 4 weeks late or something ridiculous... But he did grow up to play NBA before there was an NBA, so maybe he was just destined to be huge?? :)

  2. Lol. I love your blog. And you make me laugh.

    1. Haha, I love your face!

  3. Hahaha, ditto what Sabrina said. They'd induce you before you even got to 10 or 11 I'd think!

    Can't believe your baby will be here so soon!!!

    1. Right, because 10 or 11 is a comforting thought... ha! Yeah, I know what you're saying, it'll probably end up being tiny. But it FEELS huge. Like, really huge. Great-grandpa huge.

  4. you crack me up! i hated being pregnant. and was TERRIFIED of giving birth. and with my first, a nurse brought him to me in the middle of the night - he was crying. and she handed him to ME. i remember thinking, "what am i supposed to do about it? don't you work here? with babies? everyday?" you know what? you are going to do great. it will be new, scary at times, painful at times....having the baby and having the baby, but it will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done. hands down.

    1. Thanks, Kendal! I really don't understand the whole "I've never felt more feminine" or "I loved being pregnant!" thing, but to each their own, I suppose. God planned this, not me, so it's gotta be for my best, right? That's the theory I'm going with...

  5. We've been hoping for a baby for over a year now so from where i'm coming from it seems like you have a lot to be glad about. As much as we try, there are some things we cannot control, so i'm learning to turn my frustration into gratitude. We all have things that don't turn out the way we plan.
    I know you're probably just needing someone to empathize with the situation and i totally get that.
    But know that you have been given much.
    Get lost in the wonder of it all!! it doesn't have to be magical but it certainly is a miracle. Read all you can about things that encourage you to understand better the way God made your body capable of such a thing. As a birthing assistant i coach women in labor, without drugs, and they are never lacking. The state of your mind will greatly effect the birthing experience.

  6. Like a cat you are trying to pull out of the bath tub! Ha! Ok, I think it was this weekend when I saw you put up a Kiva post, and now, I don't see, but I am very tired, and therefore, it is possible that I just scrolled right past that bad boy. Glad you liked it, girly.

    I think you should write a parenting book, but it wouldn't be all cheesy. And it would certainly say something about a cat and a bathtub.

    Love to you.

    1. Amy. Darling. Sweetie. I haven't posted about Kiva in months. Perhaps you should sleep a bit more... perhaps I should post about Kiva again, since it's STINKIN' AWESOME. :)

      A parenting book? Oh, you are such a funny, funny lady! I keep telling Dante that I'm glad we don't have to parent for the first 12 months or so, we just have to keep this thing alive. Or maybe that's the kind of advice you think I should be giving people? :)


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