Monday, March 25, 2013

An Unreasonably Expectant Mother

I'm not expecting, not like that. Sillies. We're not even at the 6-week mark yet. But all the same, I've been the other type of expecting mother- one with expectations.

It's kind of impressive to me how far off I was in my expectations. I'm not even sure where I got my ideas of how out should go, "it" being anything to do with my baby girl and her daily goings ons. I didn't even realize how much I expected or of both her and I until I emerged from my hormone-induced fog and could pinpoint what was upsetting me. And I didn't start to feel better until I released some most all of those (unreasonable) expectations.

The Woombie.
AKA - Baby straight jacket.
We love it!

If I expected to get sleep and didn't, I was a wreck. This was probably the hardest one to let go of. Because letting go of an expectation means no longer expecting that thing that you previously expected.  In simple terms, I had to not expect to sleep.  Which is kind of like expecting to not sleep.  Which was terrifying for a little while there.  But if I laid RG down, and instead of hoping & wishing for her to sleep, if I said "This probably won't work, but it's worth a try." and she didn't sleep, I was fine.  Because that was what I expected.  And if she did sleep, when I did't expect her to?  Bonus!


Other expectations snuck in in other ways.  Like expecting her to be on some sort of a schedule.  Or with myself, expecting to be able to take care of RG, keep up with the house, be an awesome wife, and do research, while making quilts and blogging.  Turns out I was shooting a leetle high there...  

I'd say in life in general, it's great to have high expectations.  Dreams.  Goals.  Whatever.  But with a new baby, or in other times of stress and new experiences (pretty sure that one's the key right there...), sometimes shooting for the stars will only make you cry.  Sometimes you need to shoot for "not dirt" and then if you get off the ground at all, you've got a win!  Once you get experience and can reasonably expect better/more, then you aim a little higher.

For example, as I mentioned here, H & I held out no expectations for attractive children.  We were just shooting for "not ugly".  Homely would have been okay.  "Face only a mother could love"/"Face for radio" would have been no big let-down.  And what do we get?  Solid gold, baby.  A cutie right from the outset.


So that's what I'm learning.  Low expectations.  Maybe "low" is the wrong word.  Reasonable expectations. That's important.  Surely I'm not the only one who sets the bar crazy-high.  What about you, friend?  Set any crazy expectations of brand-new experiences lately?  What about you Mommas?  Did you expect too much from yourself/baby?
<3 M.

12 comments:

  1. Love love love this post.

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    1. I feel like maaaaybe you know what I'm talking about...

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  2. That Woombie looks incredibly snuggly! Wonder if they make one for adults?

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    1. Pretty sure those are called straight jackets... ;)

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  3. Great post! That snugly thing is cool.

    Recently, I've shot high - like to the moon and then of course, I failed. Big giant bummer. I'll tell ya. You're right about setting reasonable goals and managing expectations. It's a good thing. I'm still learning my lesson.
    ~FringeGirl

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    1. This seems to be a lesson I learn over.. and over... and over again. Here's hoping you can be reasonable with yourself!

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  4. Note to self: low expectations. Got it.

    Now I need to find me a baby straight jacket. :)

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    1. Seriously Alyx, check out those woombies. Baby girl LOVES hers. Amazon has got them. Can't recommend it enough!

      Also, I'm ready to *meet* your babe. Any time. Just saying.

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  5. Expectation: not dirt! I love it. I'm the queen of high expectations and so I feel like sometimes I'm the queen of disappointment. I think setting attainable but not lofty goals for yourself is the key to feeling successful when dealing with this new life you are in charge of while still feeling successful in the areas of your life that don't involve baby! I love you.

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    1. Dear Queen: grace applies to everyone, especially ourselves :) xoxox

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  6. Agreed, agreed, agreed. Everything=agreed. We also were hoping for "not ugly" and lucked out really good in that department. However I was expecting some sort of sleep by like, oh I don't know, a year old? TRY EIGHTEEN MONTHS. auggggggggghhhhhhhhhh I am setting my expectations so low next time you won't even be able to tell there is an expectation there at all.

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    1. Seriously, expectations + sleep = disappointment, if that even makes sense. That one is the hardest for me to let go of. There's soooo much I'm planning to do differently next time!

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