This whole having a baby thing its hard, yo. Like, way hard. Harder than I imagined it would be, for sure. I love it, but there are definitely moments when I wish I could go back to bring pregnant, when I still felt bonded to this baby, but it was So. Much. Easier. And when I didn't have to worry about a food baby after eating. Oh, the simple life.
|"The Good Ole Days"|
Also, where did my butt go?
Did someone take it?
One of the hardest things has been dealing with my crazy self. I didn't suffer too much in the way of pregnancy hormones and mood swings. At least, not so much that anyone bothered to tell me. But these post-partum hormones, they're like pregnancy hormones' ugly older bully of a cousin. Rough.
Most days, I take my crazy to my council, the group of women who have done this before me, who understand. My mom, my MIL, friends close and far. I've even got a bonus friend, she's a doctor AND a mom of 3 girls. Did someone say "Yahtzee"?
But today, it wasn't the council who soothed my fears. Today, Riley and God and I talked it out. Well, I talked, Riley nursed, and God listened. Whatever. I laid out my fears, brought them to light, and saw them for what they were: Lies. I'm writing them down here so that I remember. So that when I get caught up again, believing these lies, that I can look back and see the truth. So here are my fears:
- That I won't parent Riley as well as possible.
- That I'll never sleep again.
- That this craziness of mine will never stop and Handsome won't want to hang out with me.
And here is the truth:
- I won't be the best parent ever. I will screw up. But I'm giving it all I've got, and I trust that God will fill in the gaps where I lack. I'm the best mom girlfriend is going to have, and that's true.
- I will sleep again. There are 12-year olds in the world. They sleep. Riley will sleep someday, and when she does, I'll be waiting, pillow handy, spa mask on my forehead, ready to take advantage of the opportunity. And I will sleep.
- Once I sleep (see above), the craziness will diminish. Likewise, my fun-ness will go up. Handsome will be unable to resist me. I'll be that girl he fell in love with, all over again. And, I'll have bonus points stored up for being the mother of his child. Guys eat that stuff up.
So there's the truths. The glaring light that shows my fears for the weak-kneed pansies that they are. And here, as a bonus, is another song that I sing. It's not a lullaby, but there are parts of it that really speak to me, even if Riley has no idea what I'm singing about. I mean really, it's got to be better than her cradle falling out of a tree, right?
"There will be an end to these troubles"